I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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