Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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