it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
