If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You did what with his pubic hair?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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