He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
