So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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