Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
