dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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