Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
