I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
