i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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