You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
