I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
