he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Why are your pants in the freezer?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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