he shaved USA in his pubs
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
