Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
