u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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