You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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