Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
