how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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