i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
