I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
