I just saw a hot homeless man
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
