Swine flu. Run for my life!
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Randomize
