sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
