You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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