You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
