Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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