listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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