we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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