so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
