Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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