I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
