It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
