I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
