For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
