so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
