I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
