would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize
