areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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