I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
third nipple confirmed
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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