you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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