everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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