I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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