he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
