I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
