Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
