i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
