I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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