Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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