I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
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