Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
