great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
