Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
